Remembering the life of Peter Daniel Cole

The holiday season is wrought with all kinds of emotions: joy, stress, excitement, love, and sorrow. For anyone who has lost a loved one, the hole left by their absence is especially poignant at this time of year. If one has lost a child, the experience is incomprehensible to those not wearing those shoes. When such a death comes out of the blue, it is even more heartrending.

The Cole family of Main Street knows this all too well. Their son, Peter Daniel Cole died nearly eight years ago on Feb. 12, 1999. A second-grader, Peter was sent home from school on a Wednesday with flu-like symptoms and passed away Friday morning. “It was just one of those rare things that hardly ever happens,” his mom, Pam Cole said. A rare virus attacked the electrical system of Peter’s heart and ultimately stopped it from pumping. The diagnosis was myocarditis of unknown etiology (no known cause). His heart wasn’t even especially damaged, Cole said, it just couldn’t beat any more.

With no frame of reference or way to conceive of what had happened, it was community support that helped the Coles to go on. “We never felt alone with our grief. The support we received from so many families in Bolton was incredible,” she said, recalling the bond that has grown since Peter’s death. Moms stopped by their home each day to talk, bring food and help with the Cole’s twins, Christopher and Katherine, who had just turned 4 years old a few days before Peter died.

While it is almost eight years ago that Peter passed away, the holiday season is a particularly difficult one for the Coles. “It is still a very hard time for us.” One thing that helps them get through it is “Pete’s Reading Corner,” an annual event they have sponsored at Florence Sawyer School in loving memory of their son.

Cole said she always wonders, “Who will come? Will it be a private showing?” But each year her spirits are lifted through the event. She said she always feels better after its conclusion and is stronger for it, and it appears those who attend feel the same way.

Last week about 50 adults, teens and children turned out to celebrate Peter’s life and enjoy the interactive songs led by Roger Tincknell. This year, due to parent-teacher conferences and traffic in the hallways, the event was held in the cafeteria rather than in Pete’s Reading Corner. Classmates of Peter’s, now in 10^th grade at the high school, still come back and support the family. While only in second grade at the time of Peter’s death, the students had developed close friendships with each other and Peter because their first grade class had “looped” to second grade and stayed together. As a parent volunteer in the classroom, Cole knew them well. “It is heart warming to see them come back,” Cole said, but added, “It’s bittersweet.”

This year, a memory quilt made by Susan Birse after Peter’s death and the photo collages the Coles had made for his memorial service were displayed in the cafeteria. His classmates were able to locate their squares on the quilt, representing their memories of Peter and the activities they shared with him so long ago like soccer and Legos. “All these things have helped to keep his memory alive for us,” Cole said. “It’s better for us to keep open and keep talking. Tears happen. It helps to make you stronger.”

In an interview, Principal Ken Tucker recalled Peter as a kind, gentle kid but at the same time, one who was very enthusiastic and loved life. “It’s been a while, but his memory is still strong in all of us who were here when it happened,” Tucker said. The shock of his death made it difficult for staff and students to deal with, he said. Since it happened right before the February school vacation, many families had plans to go away, but the community’s response was immediate and continued when school resumed. He credits the Cole family with carrying on with the annual celebration in memory of Peter.

The Coles initiated the event as a way to give back to the community. When work on the reading corner was completed in 1999, they decided to do something public. It just happened to fall during the holiday season and has ever since, she said.

 “We needed to say thank you and to honor Pete’s memory.”

Overlooking a courtyard in the first and second grade wing, Pete’s Reading Corner is a cheerful and welcoming space with sunlight streaming through windows along one wall. There are a couple of spacious benches covered with bright blue carpeting so children can climb on them. Colorful pillows offer a soft spot for kids to cozy in with when reading a book. Shelves built into the backs of the benches are filled with books. A plaque in Peter’s memory says the space was donated with the hope “that all children have the opportunity to learn, love, dream and experience life to its fullest.” A quilted wall-hanging made by his mom includes a photo of Peter in his Cub Scout uniform and refers to him as “The little mayor of Bolton,” for he was known for his friendly and outgoing spirit.

Peter’s teacher, Maura Moran, says the alcove lives up to the quote on the wall. Students spend time there on their own, and teachers and parent volunteers take small groups of children there to read during the school day. The book collection has grown over the years, but started with a special foundation — books that Peter’s classmates selected on a class trip to a bookstore at the close of the school year he passed away. “Each child got to choose a book they knew Peter would have loved, and each child inscribed their selection,” Moran said. “No one gave direction on how to use it [the space], but it has taken a very nice direction.”

“To this day, I remember Peter as one of those all around good kids, who always had a smile on his face and a story to tell,” Moran recalled. “He was a kid that all the kids loved, too. A real member of the classroom community.”

Beyond Bolton, the Heart Play of Wayland Parmenter VNA and Hospice group has helped them through bereavement issues over the years, Cole said. They have also found support with Compassionate Friends, a self-help support organization for those who have experienced the death of a child. At 7 p.m. Sunday night they joined Compassionate Friends’ worldwide event to light a candle for a child who has died – “so that their light may always shine.” The Coles keep a light burning in Peter’s bedroom as a symbol of his presence.

“We were certainly blessed with Peter’s seven years, but just wish there were ten times as many,” Cole said.

A quote in the reading corner, which Cole adapted from a bereavement card, poignantly reminds us how one’s spirit endures. “Those we hold most dear never truly leave us. They live on in the kindness they showed, the laughter they shared and the love they brought into our lives.”